BiNGE Notes

Rambling thoughts of a cartooning cab driver on the Jersey Shore

Sunday, January 3, 2010

JERSEY SHORE

For the record, the moronic, narcissistic juiceheads seen on MTV's "Jersey Shore" are NOT from New Jersey. They are primarily New Yorkers who migrate to our beaches in the summer like locusts during breeding season. We don't like them either. We mock on them year round, most shore residents don't watch "Jersey Shore." We natives have been nauseated by these social barbarians for decades and we have no need to see Guidos glorified.
As a nightshift cab driver in Belmar NJ I can testify that majority of summer visitors from NYC are in fact far more vulgar and inane than the television representatives. In the back of my cab, they refer to all women as "Bitches and Ho's" Any man who uses those terms doesn't deserve to get laid. From what I personally witness, most of them don't. These drunken idiots spent hundreds of dollars on drinks, only to get in my cab and proclaim "She was fat anyway." Our native women avoid the ignorant masses for the most part. Any that do fornicate with the likes are encourage to move to Staten Island where they can settle down with Anthony and his auto body business.
Latent Homosexuals. Despite the macho bravado spewed by the males of the species, I believe they are some of the gayest examples of men I have ever met. Real men don't spend an hour fixing their hair, working on tans, or spend $125 on designer T-shirts. Comments I have over heard come from the back of my cab include: "Dude, that shirt makes your pecs look huge," "Check out his wings" "Do you want to go with me tomorrow, I'm getting waxed." I struggle not to laugh out loud at such comments. Admittedly, these closet homos on steroids can become violent if a skinny artist from NJ looks in the mirror and asks, "What are you guys? Queer?"
I still think it.

Judging from the females of the species, perhaps it would be best for all if they were homosexual. The shallow and mildy retarded women who flock down to the beaches are equally obnoxious and vile. Poor drivers who are often hairier than the men. At first glance they can be attractive, however once they are in my cab I have fantasies of wrapping my car around a telephone pole and disfiguring them for life. The idea of leaving them dependant on personality and intellect is a fate far worse than death. I would rather stick my penis in a food processor than one of their heavily trafficked vaginas. At least the appliance doesn't have a five o'clock shadow.

SO in summery, the TV show "Jersey Shore" should be renamed "Stupid homo Gombas who can't get laid in a whorehouse on pay day" It's a bit long for a show title. (BTW, I have had the actual cast members from the show in my cab. I drove 4 of the idiots from D-Jais to the Headliner. Their combined I.Q. didn't even reach triple digits.)

3 comments:

  1. Eric you are still the connaseur of crude culture critic I remember. Unfortunately the guido culture was not a fad of the 80's but is perpetuated by the MTV 1-47 dumming down of America.See you in the funny papers Jknob

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  2. I had never watched even a minute of "Jersey Shore" until
    last night. And, I wouldn't have watched any of it then
    except I had read your blog and was curious to see what
    you meant. (Susy flipped to it while she was surfing, and
    she asked me -I was in my office- if I had even seen it.)
    It was just as you described. So, I told Susy about the
    things you said concerning some of the passengers in your
    cab. She agreed that most of the "guys" are probably gay
    or bi-sexual, and the "chicks" are "tramps with money".

    ReplyDelete
  3. Thanks for the feedback, I understand that the majority of Italian Americans refer to these people as "CAFONES"

    ReplyDelete