BiNGE Notes

Rambling thoughts of a cartooning cab driver on the Jersey Shore

Friday, December 11, 2009

HOT CONSERVATIVE CHICKS!

Republican M.I.L.F.s have taken over FOX NEWS. I've been listening to Obama bitch about Fox news so I thought I'd start watching. We're talking some sweet looking soccer moms who have smarts too. It's not just the news personalities, candidates and pundits too. The word pundit sounds dirty when looking at Ann Coulter. "I bet she can PUNDIT all night." Laura Ingrahm? She'd make a hell of a dominatrix. It wouldn't take a whole lot of acting on her part. Just start talking like Barney Frank and she would flog you with in an inch of your life. First time anyone ever gets water boarded with a pair of panties.
What about Sarah? Don't get me started, I don't want to sound like a perv.

Saturday, August 15, 2009

Mobsters and Cartoonists

It was back in 1991, I was drawing ed-carts for a small local newspaper here on the Jersey shore called "The Leader." One of the paper's biggest advertisers was a man who owned about 80% of the boardwalk and other family oriented businesses. He was dragged into court to be questioned in murder trial. Apparently his nephew was found dead up in the Meadowlands. He had been beaten to death by a golf club. Obvious mob hit. His uncle, a local big shot was splashed all over newspapers throughout the state, except for the one in his home town. My editor didn’t want to touch it. I, a cartoonist with no formal journalism education chastised the editor for overlooking a story of such magnitude.



He agreed to let me do a cartoon as long as I didn’t use the guy’s name. The following week about 60-70% of the advertisers in our shore town dropped their ads from the paper. My editor was scared to start his car in the morning. After working for the paper for almost 4 years, the editor recieved a call for the first time from the owner. Mark Goodson, the TV producer owned our weekly paper. It seems he was not too amused by my cartoon.


I was almost out the door when a man walked in asking to talk to the editor. He praised my cartoon and said it was great. The man was the leading prosecutor of organized crime for NJ. He had faxed the cartoon to almost every orginized crime investigator in the state and Washington DC. The Mark Goodson decided to give me one more chance as long as I didn’t try to take on the mob any more. In a few weeks advertising returned to normal.

Penis size

It seems like every time I sign on to the Internet I am bombarded by penis enhancement ads. I'm comfortable with myself so I just click exit. A few years ago I was sitting in the kitchen of a skanky divorcee' listening to her and an equally drunk skank friend talk about penises. Both complaining about how difficult it is to find a suitable size these days. I remember contemplating how each of these hagged out wretches probably have had close to a 1,000 men in their beds since high school. Not to mention 2 or 3 kids each had by several different fathers. Now, in their forties they discover somehow all of a sudden the average man is insufficient to bring them pleasure.
Hey, I'm the same size as a man as I was when I was 18 years old, I doubt either of them could make that claim about their heavily trafficked vaginas. I used to drive a commuter bus into Manhattan every day though the Lincoln tunnel. Never once did my bus ever touch the wall of the tunnel. Was it because my 40 foot bus was too small? If these woman had put up a toll booth they now would have as much money as the Port Authority. That's my view on penis size.

NEWSPAPERS AND THE MEDIA


As an editorial cartoonist myself, I can tell you newspapers are a dead and dying thing of the past. And they deserve to die a slow painfull death. Die like a greedy drugged out whores that they are. Used up from a careless and reckless lifetime of ugly living. Selling themselves to the perverted whims of advertisers and special interests. Diseased shells of a former beauty pimped out by the twisted editors and owners who have no regard for truth, just a lust for the dollar. The internet is the new pillar of truth, stepping over the corpse of print media.

Thursday, August 13, 2009

God and stuff

I've been thinking about religion, I'm not pissed at God or anything. I mean I have no idea who the hell he really is. I just am stuck with a warped and twisted notion of him given to me by warped and twisted ministers who have no clue about him either. Ok, they claim the Bible (or Koran or Torah) is the inherant word of God. This after some pope hundreds of years ago tore out entire books of it and probally changed a few words here and there. I've worked with editors, truth gets filtered through thier minds. So today fat ass ministers claim "The word of god is truth, protected by the holy spirit blah blah"

Really? The claim is now that pope whoever was divinely inspired to edit the bible according to God's will. Right. I'm sure the bits scratched out had to do with keeping the leadership in check (or absent all together) and we'll increase the tithe part up to 10%. We'll never know.

Monday, August 10, 2009

ATTENTION DEMOCRATS

As you may be able to tell from the cartoons since last November I am not what one might call an Obama supporter. In fact I have devoted all of my artistic energies to criticizing President Obama and his feeble tax dodging puppets. Granted, this website may not be a noted source political commentaries. However, the cartoons are finding an audience in viral emails. An underground voice of dissension that is very difficult to silence. In these days of "controlled media" the subversive element in this country need a quick and popular medium to spread their ideas. Cartoons are the perfect choice of counter-propaganda weaponry.In September 09, I will do 30 cartoons about health care in 30 days. They will not be supporting the Democratic position, nor will they be flattering.Let me cut to the chase. I will cease and desist from Anti-Obama cartoons, health care satire, incompetent political hack humor and a pro-right stance for the "retainer fee" of twenty thousand dollars. With all of the trillions of dollars being thrown around, twenty thousand is like bumming a cigarette from Sir Walter Raleigh. You could siphon it to me in the form of an artistic grant or if you prefer more covertly. The day I wake up and $20,000 is in my bank account, all of the Obama bashing cartoons come down off of my web site and will be permanently deleted. This tiny sum by Washington's standard will remove what could become a rather infectious thorn in one's side. An ounce of prevention...

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

It sucks to be human

It's a vile and corrupt world. That's why politics rule it. We as a species are inherently corrupt. Why do we expect public officials to be any different. Ted Kennedy kills a bar bimbo in a drunk driving accident, who hasn't come close to doing that at least once. If can pull strings to get that rap of my sheet, F**K yea! If Cheney can make a googlian dollars of off starting a war and walking away, god love'im. AND he can shoot a lawyer in the face with a shotgun, and the LAWYER apologizes, god that's power. I've driven Elliot Spizter's little honey home in my cab, VERY bangable chick. I ain't gettin that piece of tail on a cabby's paycheck. I once had a toothless crack whore offer me a blow job for a round trip to Asbury. I refused. I cringed. After driving cab at night for the last four years, I see the world for what it is. Unfair and selfish. The personal car I see parked in front of the local Police Department in the beginning of my shift is parked in front of the bar by 8 pm. At 1:45 am I witness same vehicle weaving down the road. He can get away with it, he's a cop. It sucks to be me trying to dodge a drunk off-duty cop on main street. He slams into me, I go to jail. Roman soldiers I think started that tradition. Kick in your front door and bang your wife in front of you. I have a legion outside if you wish to complain. Thank god the local soldiers only want to bang a doughnut. BTW, the cop's drinking buddy works for the county prosecutor's office. One time she swerved into my lane once so badly, that my mirror clipped a park car.

The point of this tirade is, don't act shocked. Politicians are unfortunately humans. Until we can let computers govern us, we are led by drunks, skirt chasers and power hungry humans who want to bang your doughnut. Even aliens come to Earth to get away with ass raping probes while our leaders cover it up. We deserve it, Earth is populated by the scumbag motherf*ckers known as humanity. Give our rulers something shiny and you can abduct and ass rape the population with impunity. Sucks to be us. I bet Roswell was a D.U.I. accident. Three alien corpses and a naked hillbilly.

Thursday, June 18, 2009

Why I turned my back on Liberals

I have been on both sides of the fence. When the country turns conservative, I become a left wing knee jerking liberal. If a Dem gets the office, I swing to the right. I can't help it. I guess that's why I became an editorial cartoonist. I question and rebel against all authority. A few years ago I was about as liberal as you could get. I hung out with a bunch of lefties, in hind-sight I see what self-righteous obnoxious bastards we all were. i listened as a loud mouth would proclaim the rights of gays to marry. She would get in the face of anyone who might disagree with her. Maintaining a smug attitude of being "more enlightened" than all others. However when she found out someone she knew and didn't care for was rumored to be gay, she picked up her cell phone and spread the news about him. Letting all of the mutual friends know his preferences like it was some sort of a great scandal. Tittering as she hung up from talking to one harpie, and scrolling down her phonebook to the next. Smirking as she declared "Guess who's a queer."
She was quick to give people tittles, "My black friend... my friend who's a Hispanic lesbian with one leg..." Always quick to defend the rights of others as long as they didn't disagree with her. If they didn't agree with her then they were narrow minded bigots who should keep their mouths shut or thrown into prison until they were as enlightened as her.
Conversely, when I was a leftie, conservatives told me if I didn't like it here in America I should move to IRAN. "See how long Saddam will let you disagree with him" Typical, agree with the majority or get out.

Let freedom ring.

Saturday, March 21, 2009

Congress at large...

Typical political B.S. Let's lay a smoke screen, point the finger and distract Americans from the real issues. The "Corporate Bonuses" equel 9/10th of ONE PERCENT of the bailout funds. We could argue for hours if they should recieve them or not. Let's not forget the Billions that are going to pork barrel projects of Barney and friends. Also that great group of Americans known as ACCORN are getting a few billion. Remember them? The ones FOUND GUILTY of election registration fraud. Oh, yea, now they're going to help with the census.

Saturday, February 7, 2009

I'm awake and angry

Due to an inhuman sleep schedule I'm awake at 3 am. It's been a while since I did this Blog stuff. No one reads these things except for Government computers. Searching for words of threat to the powers that be.

Now to get a few things off my chest, YOU WITH THE BLUE TOOTH IN YOUR EAR! You look stupid, more so than just some simp with a cell phone to an ear. "Oh, it's an important call, I have to take this." Shuddup! Pull over and talk, I'm tired of being cut off on the road because some fuckhead is busy talking to another fuckhead somewhere in another car about some lame bullshit. I'm tired of clerks in gas marts talking on the blue tooth in Pakistani while I'm trying to tell him my cigarrette brand. "Dude, plot the attack on YOUR TIME!" Same for you, you fat ass Soccer Mom in the Supermarket loudly blathering away to some other divorced harpy. "Oh, my little girl is soooooo talented she just...LOOK! Roaster chickens are on sale!" About that time I clip the back of her ankles with my shopping cart.

I'm sick of this planet, everyone talking on a phone, or texting, or twitering or blogging.... Why can't we all just shut up.