Lohan, Hilton and Spears, you're drunken skanks. I almost got side swiped by a bunch them on 16th Ave in Belmar. 3 or 4 college girls in daddy's Escalade missed me the literal inches. Even after I damn near took out a mailbox braking to the right. As the other driver and I made eye contact 22" apart, I could see her face illuminated by her cell phone. There was a look or surprise as if she spoke to her friend "Oh look! A cab driver, where did he come from?" Fortunately I was deadheading back into town to pick up someone with a little more sense than that group. If I had had a passenger they would've been hit with just a $75 bodily fluid clean up fee. Me? I don't even think I had the pleasure of an adrenaline rush.
I'll admit I damn near got popped a few years ago for DUI in Spring Lake Heights. The cop had me dead to rights, but he cut me a break. I haven't even come close to doing it again. I want to thank him, it wasn't an unheeded warning. On the road at two AM on the Jersey Shore, you're either a cop, a cab or a suspect. In the past two years driving cab I have seen a score of wrecks and countless DUI roadside tests administered. It just keeps me from drinking. Don't take away their license, make them do my job for six months. Sloppy drunks smack their heads as they fall into my car. Breath like a beer enema. Loud women will gravely voices sharing the drama du jour. Have some college brat from Spring Lake hurl $200 worth of drinks in your back seat as you realize you're taking home about $140 tonight.
So Lohan, Hilton and Spears, you're drunken skanks.
(Sure, I'd still bang'em.)